so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
