my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
