Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My ATM looks so different sober.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
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Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
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Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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