so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
