Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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