I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
