I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
