They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
