I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
