walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
