census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
