Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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