She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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