I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
