I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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