I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
