grandma shit on top of the toilet
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
