I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
