His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
