becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think my moral compass just broke
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