My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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