Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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