The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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