Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
