There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
