If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
