Screwed.edu
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
