i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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