Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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