If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
