my text book just quoted the cookie monster
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
