Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
