I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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