This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
