Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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