if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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