Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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