happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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