its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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