Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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