What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
