Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
