the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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