I got chris browned last night
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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