A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
