I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
