Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
