I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
