You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
