Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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