it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
