seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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