I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
