There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
