but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
