I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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