just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
