Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
