I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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