I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
