I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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