he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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