if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
