I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
